The selfish. The term “silent treatment,” chillingly, comes from 19th-century prison reform.Instead of physical punishment or grueling work, which was believed to do nothing to truly alter the character of the criminal, prisoners would no longer be allowed to speak to each other and rarely be spoken to. Les Carter, Ph.D. For example, instead of just going completely silent, the partner can say, ‘I need half an hour to myself. How the Silent Treatment Sabotages You (And Your Relationships) Here are 5 ways the silent treatment is more damaging than you know: 1. The narcissist is keenly … Be ready for connection when they choose to reconnect. Voice your feelings and thoughts: Make sure that your partner knows that the way they are behaving is making you feel uncomfortable, afraid, and vulnerable. How To Respond To The Silent Treatment? If this is just the first time that your partner is giving you a silent treatment, be calm and kind instead of reacting negatively. This is one of … However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. If they continue to give you ‘the silent treatment,’ you have no choice then to give them the space they are creating. If the silent treatment is taken too far, it’s becomes emotional abuse. It causes emotional trauma or stress. How to Respond to the Silent Treatment. Your first reaction may be frustration, anger, or upset. The silent treatment in a relationship is a form of emotional abuse. But it will only set a toxic a ‘who blinks first’ game in motion. Make time for the both of you to cool off. It may feel good to ignore your partner when you feel slighted but, it keeps you from finding real solutions to the problems that are bugging you the most. If your partner continues to give you the silent treatment time after time, help him work on redirecting the habit that has developed in his life. A narcissist will react to any perceived slight, real or imagined with any punishment that they deem fits your crime, the silent treatment being a favourite in their arsenal. No longer is it about cooling down and trying to figure out a solution to the problem; it has now become a way to punish and control the other person. Plus, the silent treatment works particularly well on sensitive, empathic people (who are often quite attractive to narcissists), because we are wired to respond to and attempt to soothe the emotions of the people around us, especially those we love. But whenever you've discovered that the problem is you, you must acknowledge their feelings and sincerely apologize in the hope of salvaging your relationship. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again. A narcissist uses the silent treatment to abuse their victim. “Talk about creating a time frame for the silent treatment to give the partner who’s choosing not to speak the space he or she needs to process their own emotions without hurting the other person. This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. And if the narcissist cannot respond with common sense, keep moving. This is best if your partner is only using the silent treatment to … The silent treatment (also known as withholding) is used to punish and regain control of a person. He hasn’t been home when we’ve attempted to visit him. For the one giving the silent treatment, it’s like drinking rat poison and expecting the other person to die. 1. It is a passive-aggressive approach to manipulate you into giving them the Narcissistic Supply that they crave. The silent treatment is one of the most common warning signs of relationship problems because it’s so easy for couples to fall into the habit of doing. In this video, I go into why narcissists use the silent treatment and how to respond to it. Let’s check in then.’ Schneider, Cikanavicius, and Health Writer Ann Pietrangelo all share keys ways to respond to a situation where a person thinks they are controlling you with the silent treatment: Ignore it … At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims. Take Time to Cool Off During a time of silence both partners should pause to reflect on what led up to the silent treatment episode *Expand* SUBSCRIBE for weekly videos: https://bit.ly/2PRGHvI FOLLOW ME on Instagram: https://bit.ly/2zgbx70 SHOP AMAZON AND SUPPORT NancyTV! In a relationship fueled with games, learning how to respond to the silent treatment coming your way will give you back your power. We all have an inherent need to belong. It is tempting to respond to silent treatment with the silent treatment of your own. The best response to the Narcissist Silent Treatment game is to move forward with your common sense leading the way. Treat silence with silence. When responding to the silent treatment, there are certain things that you should avoid which include the following: Never beg or plead. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the … Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse. It’s that simple. The silent treatment is a favourite tool of the narcissist. But if giving the silent treatment has become a habit for your partner, then you should refuse to become the victim. The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. 5. Basically, you don't say anything, not even if the person tries to engage you in conversation. Sadly, the silent treatment often works as intended because it’s so unbearable, and people will do anything to make it stop. The previous example with the narcissist illustrates that whoever is giving you the silent treatment wants to cause you emotional pain. This helps no one. How to Respond If the Silent Treatment Is Used to Punish or Control. The silent treatment is not useful, and serves as a barrier to effective communication. How can you cope with and respond to the silent treatment? Practice the Golden Rule in how you respond. We’ve reached out to his wife who says she doesn’t want to get in the middle of it. But the silent treatment isn’t fair, and it’s harmful to both parties. The silent treatment could mean that your friend is sick of your hurtful behavior and it's very possible they no longer want to be friends. Don’t fall for their ‘horrible childhood’ or ‘family of origin wounding’ tales. But it’s important, in part, because you are trying to model for them how you want them to interact with you. He doesn’t have voicemail. While it’s … Except in the case of silent treatment manipulation. Instead, appear (and truly feel, if possible) relaxed and positive. I’ve been on both sides of the silent treatment. The primary characteristic of the silent treatment is not talking to the person. If you were a victim of the silent treatment, don’t jump into … Do not retaliate. Wait until he begins speaking to you again, and then address the issue. By Joseph Grenny. You actively choose not to respond to any comments, discussions, or accusations. There is no need to waste emotional energy fretting over their moods. It’s designed to infuriate you, create panic and worry, make you question everything you said before the episode happened. It just escalates things. More than likely nothing of any significance. Dealing with a silent spouse can elicit a lot of negative emotions, and it can be hard to treat them the way you want to be treated. Responding to silent treatment in marriage with your own version could collapse the relationship foundations. Call them out on it instead of taking it quietly. To one partner, the silent treatment is their way of dealing with an argument, but to the other, it’s a sign of shutting down. At best the silent treatment is an immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulative individuals. Change the negative pattern. One sniff of blood in the form of any weak or emotional response to the silent treatment and the narcissist will go for the kill. Dear Joseph, A couple of months ago, my father stopped answering phone calls and texts from my siblings and me. If the person keeps engaging, simply tell him you are not willing to engage at this time. 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